Toys that should have existed, but never did.Red Dwarf toys.
How has there never been a collection of Red Dwarf action figures? Maybe if we start discussing it here, we can actually manifest them into reality.
I mean, you can’t say that Red Dwarf doesn’t have a large enough fan base that wouldn’t eat these up, even if they were only available in some limited fashion.
I mean look at Doctor Who. That’s a British Sci-fi series and it’s had action figures for years of every major character, tons of variants and even of minor characters like Chip and Destroyed Casandra which was just an empty rectangle frame.
At the very least we need a set of Lister, Cat, Rimmer and Kryten in their most iconic costumes.
I’m thinking list with his look from Series 4 or 5, Rimmer in his red series 6 look, Kryten with his…well series 4 or 5 look where the makeup was fully developed, and The Cat in his black and white, white Tiger striped jacket.
That is the minimum the world really owes us dwarfers.
If the figures were a big hit, and let’s face it, they would be, they could release a ton of different series of figures based on Red Dwarf.
They could release each of the main cast as they looked series by series.
The old-style Red Dwarf uniforms from the first two series, Cat and the others in their Tongue Tied outfits, the original Kryten who wore a tuxedo.
And after the main four characters you could then get the Hollys and Kochanski and Captain Hollister.
They could do a Holly on his portable TV set, or even make it so there was a downloadable Holly App either for your mobile phone or smart watch.
Imagine having either Holly as a face on your watch that could answer questions like Siri. Or Queeg!
Each figure could come with a Skutter or other item like a Bazookoid or Holly Hop Drive.
And then all the villains. The Inquisitor, the Gelf, Hudzen-10, the Polymorph, Rogue Simulants, Camile ah….imagine a Gunmen of the Apocalypse set…
And also, let’s talk about playsets.
I half wonder if the idea of making the spaceships could have been something that could have put action figure companies off of Red Dwarf, because how could they realise any kind of scale model of any of the ships form the show?
Red Dwarf would be the size of a room if to scale of modern action figures, and even Starbug and Blue Midget would be pretty sizable.
I can imagine a Starbug that you can sit at least a couple of characters in the cockpit area, obviously already wouldn’t be to scale, but if you could then open up the back section and it have seeing area/meeting room or a bunk room that would be cool.
And look, Star Trek and Star Wars get figures and ships and they’re obviously not to scale, but like how you’d get the Ghostbusters Fire Station or the Ninja Turtles sewers, what Red Dwarf fan wouldn’t want diorama style play sets of Rimmer and Lister’s quarters or the Drive Room.
And beyond just the figures themselves, why aren’t there things like Matter Panels, Holly Hop Drives, light bees, Bazookoids, or even officially licensed costume letter H’s that you can wear on your forehead.
There should be remote controlled skutters, hand puppet emohawks and everything else that not just huge franchises like Star Wars, Doctor Who and Star Trek get,
but also the likes of The Walking Dead, Judge Dredd, Predator, Evil Dead and loads of random movies and shows from the 80s and 90s get figures,
why not Red Dwarf?
I mean, when you consider that as a kid, we got a specific toy line of the UK version of Gladiators it makes no sense that a forty year old sci-fi franchise with a global fan base can’t get one stinking series of action figures for me to stand on my shelf…
So, what do you think? Should Red Dwarf get its own action figures? And if not why not? And if you would get them, what figures would you like to see? And if you don’t think they should be made…or you wouldn’t buy them…well,
you’re just part of the problem.
Until next time Smeg Heads!
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